This is partly why I always wanted to leave. This desire was confirmed when I had to return to Ukraine. My mother’s fear that I would lose a year rather than my safety and health ranked first. I now have more of a contact with my father’s family (my parents are divorced), they are more interested in what is happening to me, what I am interested in.

It was difficult to integrate in Poland as no one was around. I had to deal with my social anxiety.

My mother wanted to become an actress, but after the first year of study she returned home from Moscow and is still convinced that this happened because her mother did not push her enough. With me, she tried to avoid such a "mistake".

I had several coming-outs, but in fact, I was outed by my mother. She found my diaries, drawings and started conversations where she first tried to prove that I couldn’t like girls. In one of our latest conversations she said that she didn’t know how to treat me and didn’t want to consider me her family anymore. I had to hear that there were people like that, but they knew that this was not normal and hid it from everyone. I should do the same. However, I have never had to face bullying or judgments about my orientation or identity anywhere other than at home, where I was always trying to be normalised "for my own good".

I am very open about my identity and my relationship.

I have always been able to find support in friends and partners. I still maintain good relations with some former partners. Creativity has been an even greater support for me all my life. I’ve been drawing as long as I can remember.

As we grow up we integrate different parts of adults who are important to us, their way of treating us, their relationships, their ideas and words, and construct "internal objects" out of them. My identity has much to do with these parts. They are the internal parts to which I give gender colouring. I use them to communicate with the world. Each part is responsible for different aspects of my personality and life. They are and have been protection and support I didn’t receive from my family. The photos feature several of these pieces.

I have an internal critic Mark — it’s a defence mechanism. It shows up at the beginning of communication, criticizes me and those around me. Originally, he probably appeared as a protection from the family environment to cope with criticism coming from them. I am now working to make sure that his aggression is more directed towards taking some productive action, towards building healthy boundaries rather than destroying me. I also have a sense of his age, he is 27 years old.

My creative part is Iris. If Mark is the most masculine, Iris is the most feminine part. This is a fairly vulnerable part, it is rarely shown to the world, only when the conditions and relationships are safe enough for it. I was scared at certain times in my life that it would disappear completely. It’s a terrible feeling when part of you disappears.

Basil is responsible for being functional, learning, daily routines, and compliance with agreements. He is involved in business communication and building relationships in new groups. This part showed up after finishing 9th grade when I had to move from maths class to natural sciences class. He helped me fit into a new class and get used to the contrast of the workload. The maths class was constantly very difficult and stressful, and the direction of the natural sciences was more suitable.

The part that symbolises care and unconditional love is Alex. They are non-binary. They take care of others and help me to take care of myself, make me feel safe. There’s Leo — the rebellious teenage genderfluid part.

All these parts were formed in my early adolescence, from 11 to 13, when I was going through a very difficult period in my life. I had trouble sleeping and panic attacks. There was constant stress and pressure on the outside to succeed. I was required to maintain excellent performance in an advanced class, to attend music and art schools simultaneously, and to withstand quarrels at home. In this way, I managed to cope and find support in myself.

I am doing well and I can devote more time to creativity. Of course, in many ways, I still keep my focus on discipline and taking my studies seriously, but I am learning to treat myself more gently. Among the bad things I notice that I react or try to manipulate people the same way my mother used to, but I try to notice it in time and choose some other way of contact.

I have an inner conflict, which is that I want to be a good person while taking care of myself, but inside there is an idea that a good person cannot want to cut off all ties with their family.

I plan to build my family with Frankie and move to a country where we could adopt a child. It is a pity that there is no gender-neutral term in Ukrainian for the name of the adoption process. But first, I need to deal with my problems and traumas to take on this responsibility.

There’s something to work on in our relationship, too. We try to assume each other’s best intentions and in conflict situations remember that if a person has done something wrong, it is not because they want to cause pain. We try to be honest with each other and talk openly about our experiences. Sometimes you have to sit down and talk for a long time to come to a common ground.

I would like society to accept diversity of identities as just a human characteristic, not something used for attracting attention. Or as a "phase", even if it has been lasting for 10 years.